A new year is often seen as an exciting opportunity for a fresh start and new beginnings. January 1, 2020, was no different.  Little did we know that the disease COVID-19, by early March, would make it one of the most challenging years for everyone on this planet. It has spread so quickly, forcing all of us to change the way we live. The timing has prevented us from being able to prepare and process what the impact of the Corona Virus would be.  

This pandemic is not only threatening our lives, but it may also be impacting us financially. Moreover, there is psychological stress of testing positive and additionally worrying about infecting family and community members. For others, it has meant not only losing a loved one but not being able to be by their side in their final hours due to "no visit" policies by hospitals. Being unable to properly mourn their loss with a gathering or a funeral only makes things more difficult. Even for those of us who are fortunate enough to be healthy, we are experiencing tremendous anxiety and stress at the conscious and subconscious levels. 

When I first learned that we were expected to go out as little as possible, I realized some significant changes were going to happen in our lives. As I hear more reports on how people are experiencing somatic symptoms due to COVID-19 related stress, I am acutely aware that this is the time to allow ourselves to experience different emotions and treat ourselves with care. Therefore, it is ok not to have any desire to be productive. It is ok to be frustrated about the pandemic. It is ok not to know what you are feeling.

For myself personally, I went into a process of grief, which meant going through a pendulum of emotions, such as denial, anger, sadness, bargaining, and acceptance. While it helped me as a Moritian therapist to focus on what needs to be done (wash hands, cover my mouth, stay home, follow the rules, and focus on things that I have control over), it still has been physically and psychologically draining.

This is because we are in the grieving process over losing our normalcy. One day you may feel fine, and the next day you may not. Grief is not a linear process, so the key is not to push ourselves to pretend to be ok. Remember, most of us never experienced a pandemic before, and what we are feeling are all natural responses to a difficult situation. 

Also, "self-care" can be different for each one of us. It is essential for us to assess what we need now to care for ourselves. One may need to have the tranquility to reflect on what's going on around them, while others need to feel connected with loved ones. Whatever it is, do it now and do it often. 

In addition to what you choose to do now and often, I would like to recommend a Japanese mindful self-reflection exercise called "Naikan." Naikan is a Japanese word meaning "introspection." 

Naikan will help us to see how we are supported and connected to other people even though we are in this social distancing. To understand what this means, I have listed three Naikan questions to ask yourself about a person in your life so that you can reflect on your relationship with this person.

1. What has this person done for you?

2. What have you done for this person?

3. What trouble have you caused to this person?

These questions gently direct us to look at our interpersonal-relationship with a person from a perspective different than our own.

Here is an example. I am grateful that I am currently healthy during this pandemic. This is because there are farmers risking their lives to grow their crops so that I do not have to worry about not having food. While they are risking their lives and doing all they could to provide for me, I have not done anything to protect their health in return except practicing social distancing.

Let’s put the above paragraph in Naikan format.

1. The farmers grow broccoli, pack, and shipped them. It's because of their work, despite of this pandemic, I can still have fresh broccoli and eat healthily.

2. I have not done anything to protect their health in return exept staying home most of the time.

3. I may expose them to COVID-19 since I go shopping every two-three weeks. 

When you are doing Naikan, be specific as possible. I imagine each person I reflect on even though I may be reflecting on is someone I never met. 

Naikan is undoubtedly not meant to make us feel guilty, but instead, provide the whole picture of what is happening, not solely from our perspective. In this "shelter-in-place," we may feel isolated and disconnected from the world. Yet, Naikan may shed light on how we are still supported by someone we may not aware of. 

When you have the energy, I suggest you to try reflecting on people of your choice. If this is your first time doing Naikan, it is good to start with someone close to you. Naikan is an excellent reflective practice to be done at the end of the day.

I would also like to end with some tips to help you process the moment during this current pandemic.  

• Turn your attention slowly from things that you cannot control to things you can control.

• Find a place where you can slowly begin a process of adjustment physically and mentally.

• Think about things that help you to calm your mind and body, then incorporate them into your daily routine.

• Validate your progress. Any small achievement in this process counts.

• Again, the grief process is not going through the linear stages. Be gentle to yourself when you experience a setback.

• Do not forget to seek support from trusted family, friends, and community members. You may want your own time to process what’s going on, but do not isolate yourself too long.

• Finally, let us be kind and respectful not only to ourselves but also to each other.

For those who live in California, I am providing virtual therapy via a secure and HIPAA compliant video platform. Please feel free to reach out. Contact me for a FREE 20-minute consultation, saori@reflectwithme.com. To express my gratitude, I am currently offering a reduced fee for the front line community members.

California Poppy and a bee on a pink flower.