Can You Delay Gratification?

It has been an exceptionally challenging summer for many of us. But I am truly amazed by the resilience many of my clients have shown during these times of uncertainty. With that said, I am aware that we have been managing difficult circumstances at different levels. Consequently, this causes some of us to pivot, change, or not even try to achieve our personal goals. This can understandably make it difficult to deal with daily tasks when we feel there is no point. At the same time, some of us have used this pandemic to reflect on ourselves.

Those working with me in my therapy practice have reflected on their behaviors and cognitive patterns and decided to clarify their purpose and vision. This process has allowed them to get to know themselves more deeply. Some explored their thoughts and actions that negatively affect them.

For example, there was a discussion of an inter-personal conflict that affected this particular client who felt disempowered. It started out the client seeking the answer to "why my boss gives me more work when I don't have any capacity?" Then it transformed into "why did I choose not to advocate for myself?" This client realized their own maladaptive cognition and behaviors, which led them to take on whatever project was presented by their boss. The client initially assumed that they should be the ones to bear the adversity in a relationship to avoid conflicts. Instead, they realized that they can start advocating for themselves to a better workflow and outcome. The client did not feel comfortable standing up for themselves at first. Their initial focus was on changing the boss's behaviors, which was not a constructive way of solving their issue. Instead, the client observed what is really going on and intentionally planned their first step, which resulted in them feeling empowered.

However, I also hear from people who are "ready" to take some actions to change their courses. Yet, the obstacles that are outside of their control do not allow them to execute their plans. This is frustrating! How do we manage? A discussion on this particular topic with another client lead them to share with me what they believed to be one of their character strengths. They explained, "When I face obstacles, I can be patient and not feel defeated by delaying the gratification of achieving my goal."

I thought this was such a crucial skill to have at times of uncertainty. When we are working towards our goal, we are frequently eager to reach it as soon as possible. Imagining and anticipating that day will often fuel us to work harder. But now, with all the things that are out of control, we may be forced to make a detour or endure a longer journey than expected. By knowing what is our reality can help us to have a little more patience and creativity. Many successful people in our history often had to persevere obstacles, experience mishaps and disappointment. Many of them stopped and reevaluated, scraped the original idea, changed their courses, cultivated their patience to keep working consistently. Delaying achieving our goals and receiving gratification does not mean we failed. But how can we continue motivating ourselves? We can shift our mindset that our gratification does not have to happen right away. We can focus on experiencing its journey and knowing that we are not the only ones to bear these challenges. It is still possible for us to live purposefully and mindfully. Don't get fixated on how you feel. Don't wait for the perfect moment, situation, and emotion to emerge to make your first move.

If you need a safe place to explore and reflect on what you are going through, psychotherapy can help this process. As an advocate of purposeful and mindful living, I teach people to clarify the reality, their own values, goals, and how to lead their lives with intentional actions.

Take this opportunity to reevaluate your life. I am here to support you! Contact me for the FREE 20-minute consultation at saori@reflectwithme.com

Ice cream dessert at Glover Garden, Nagasaki, Japan